White Cross Dressers
by Piccolo Oct 5
Summary: This fanfic is guaranteed to fit all sizes. As well as provide easy access and erotic skantilation for a romantic evening of 1.5. in the latest update, Aya finally makes "contact" with Yoji
1. White Cross Dressers

(Hi, my name's Don. I'm the author of this here fanfic. I'm going to bastardize a couple of different things, put em in a blender, put WeiB Kreuz on top, and stir. You'll probably find more depth in a single slice ham sandwich topped with the kind of mustard that looks like crab doo. Speaking of doo, its time to get on with the fic. I entitle this sickening saga White Cross.......DRESSERS.)  
  
( Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own these characters, so don't e-mail me bitching about how you don't like the new Gluhen character designs, or whether Takatori and Persia are getting it on. As far as I'm concerned the writers of WeiB Kreuz can, and most probably will, pull anything out of their asses.)  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was just another normal day at the flower shop. The sun was shinning, the birds were singing, the yaoi-crazed schoolgirls were pretending to care about plants while drooling over the WeiB guys.  
  
All the elements were in their redundantly typical place.  
  
The WeiB guys were in one of their three usual outfits. Since it was hot out, Aya had on his tacky orange turtleneck. The one that looked like it would make a penguin melt on a frosty day in January. It was the kind of sweater you would get at a bargain bin Japanese woman's shop, strategically placed next to some pink, camouflaged, colored leg warmers that say USA IS BOMB.  
  
Ken was in his usual V-neck shirt. The orange one with the stripes on the arms. It sort of looked like the flag of the Gap if it suddenly declared itself a country. He never told anyone that his mommy gave it to him as a Christmas present along with a teddy bear named Mr. Cuddles.  
  
Next there was Omi. Omi looked like the 80s got into a fight with the 70s, and lost. He was wearing that stupid ass brown shirt, with tie on spaghetti straps, and a leather woven trim. It was a sort of v midriff type thing that would make even an Ambercrombie and Fitch type girl think twice before buying. I guess it was something he got out of one of those skanky lingerie catalogues that Yoji always made sure to subscribe to. You know. They're the kind of catalogues that have red, crotch less, plastic panties that say Princess Crack Whore Goddess on the back. Yoji always argued that he subscribed to them for work related reasons.  
  
Which now brings us to Yoji.  
  
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear an apron.  
  
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that likes to wear underwear.  
  
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that remembers to zip his fly after taking a piss.  
  
Yoji isn't the kind of guy that is overly thoughtful about where his cigarette ashes go.  
  
Yoji is the kind of guy that burns himself on the crotch a lot.  
  
"AHHHHH!!!! GODDAMN IT!!! QUICK GET SOME WATER!!!!" He yelled. In Yoji's desperation, he grabbed the watering pot out of Ken's hand to put out the fire in his pants.  
  
Ken was irritated. This was the second time this week Yoji burned himself with his cigarette, and now he was using the watering pot to hose himself down.  
  
Finally Ken yelled out, "You simple ass, how many times are you going to tip the cigarette ashes on your damn crotch."  
  
Yoji yelled, "Get off my ass Ken Ken. Like you've never forgotten to zip.!!"  
  
Ken then snorted "You're damn right I never forget to zip. I wouldn't want people laughing at my centimeter peter behind my back like they do with you!!!!"  
  
Ken suddenly put his hands over his mouth. In that instance Ken realized that he gave away two extremely damaging secrets. Not only did he acknowledge that his peter was centimeter, but he also acknowledged that he had been looking in Yoji's closet to see what would come out.  
  
Yoji smiled and adjusted his imitation ray ban sunglasses. "Aha, so you admit that you've been checking out my package. Tell me Ken Ken, were you fantasizing about making a special delivery.  
  
Then Ken started to get really angry "The only delivery that's going to be made is putting my foot up your narrow ass."  
  
Then Yoji retorted "Ah, so you've been checking out my ass as well. You're really too much Ken Ken" Then Yoji looked down at Ken's crotch "Or perhaps you aren't"  
  
Yoji had a real talent for getting on people's nerves. It was something he excelled at like flossing his teeth with his watch. And now that all eyes were on them, and people were laughing, it was time for Yoji to do some real damage to Ken's ego.  
  
"Why I bet Omi has more to offer after he gets out of the shower, then you do at your peak Ken Ken."  
  
Omi seemed to wake up from a daze. He really didn't like cheap dick jokes. They always struck him as childish and immature. And the fact that he was suddenly getting involved in this debate made him feel like a camel with no hump. "Huh....what.......me!?"  
  
Ken seizing the moment "Ah, and how exactly would you know that Yoji. Come on Yoji, tell us, how long have you been wanting to get with Omi now? I noticed you never said anything about dating BOYS under 18."  
  
Now Yoji was getting pissed " Kiss my ass Mr. I Coach Little League because I like working with kids!!"  
  
Ken didn't let the comment get to him. "Aren't you the one that bought Omi that shirt for Christmas?"  
  
"What....hey....he said he liked it!!"  
  
Omi then blurted in a panic stricken voice. "Hey, come on Ken. I really do like this shirt. Besides, aren't you the one that bought Aya that tacky sweater!? "  
  
Now all four men were as equally embarrassed about their fashion sense, penis size, and lack there of. They were finally working Aya's last nerve. Aya liked the guys but he really hated this shit. It was bad enough he had to have school girls that reminded him of his sister (Because every school girl reminded him of his sister) left and right asking him where he got that ear ring and then giggling to themselves. Now he had to deal with the guys dicking off and wasting time not getting the work done. What made it worst was now he had to hear things from annoying school girls like "Oh the way they argue they must be a couple." or "Awww isn't that cute how Aya wears Ken's sweater." It had to stop, even if it meant Aya putting foot to ass on all of them.  
  
Aya decided to calmly step over all the giggling school girls that were now rolling on the floor and said in a soft psychotic voice "If you guys don't stop playing grab ass I'm going to kill you all slowly, painfully, and annaly." Needless to say the rest of the guys stopped arguing. Neither of them wanted to die annaly, it was too messy.  
  
Then a really fat schoolgirl with glasses and acne, who liked to pick her nose and then wipe it on her sleeve yelled out, "See I told you Aya was the dominant one."  
  
The girls started roaring with laughter, at the expense of the WeiB guys. They felt like an elephant with no peanuts.  
  
Thats when Aya finally lost it and shouted "GODDAMNIT WE AREN'T GAY. STOP FANTAIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH EACH OTHER, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH YOU, STOP FANTIZING ABOUT US BEING WITH STUPID ASS CHARACTERS FROM YOUR STUPID ASS COMIC BOOKS, AND LEAVE IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO BUY SOMETHING......Stupid Asses"  
  
All the girls stopped laughing, and they slowly and sadly started walking out of the flower shop. Their hopes, their dreams, their hour long debates about which one of them would be with their favorite manga character for some really lame ass convoluted reason that didn't actually exist, were squashed, like grapes under a fat French wine makers feet.  
  
They were about to leave and the WeiB guys were finally going to have some peace and reassurance in their heterosexuality, when suddenly, Manx pulled up and ran out of a small inconspicuous 20ft limousine.  
  
She walked up to the guys at the flower shop and flatly stated, "Quick, there isn't any time. You'll have to put on your dresses and go straight to that cross dresser's bar called the Cumquat. Its located on gay street."  
  
Yoji then whispered to the guys. "I told you those magazines were work related."  
  
Aya clenched his fists. "Goddamn it!!"  
  
*(Yes gay street is a real street. I know, live on it. Not that I'm not the manliess damn straight guy you ever saw. I mean whats wrong with you people anyway!? Can't a guy slow dance with another guy in a cowboy costume without it being considered gay!? Next thing you know you're going to tell me that real men don't watch Oprah!!!)  
  
Next Chapter: Schwartz and the Technicolor dream-sequence.....you'll want to miss it. 


	2. Technicolor Dreamsequence

(This chapter is dedicated to Arvanah Modray.........because she demanded it. Sorry for making you suffer the delay. I'm sure many of you were losing sleep as to how this Epic Master Piece.....of shit.......was going to end. Rest assure that I promise to put three times as much effort in to the quality of this chapter for all you hardcore Schwartz fans. (After all three times zero is sill zero.) So loosen that ascot with the red-cross on it, take off your shirt, tighten that braid, and put on a hat, because chapter two, SCHWARTZ AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLORED DREAM SEQUENCE STARTS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and one more for good measure !)  
  
It was just another normal day at the illegal weed killer shop. (It was an illegal weed killer shop, not because Schwartz didn't have the means to make it a legal weed killer shop, they just like doing bad things) The clouds were drooping, the crows were cackling, and the pirate-obsessed preschool boys were pretending to be interested in weed killer, all the while visualizing the Schwartz guys in one of their high seas adventures.  
  
All the elements were in their redundantly typical place.......only the opposite of WeiB.......because they're ...........Schwartz.......  
  
The Schwartz guys were in one of their.....AHH who gives a shit. They're always wearing those same ugly ass costumes anyway. Crawford was in his cream colored suit with the green tie. Crawford liked the Martha Stewart collection at K-Mart, and it showed. The material of his pants was so thin and cheap, God help him if he wore a pair of underwear that wasn't white. Farferello looked like the male Fujin.........that's about it. Nagi's character design was super original. He was wearing..........A JAPANESE HIGH SCHOOL UNIFORM. Wow, never seen one of those in an anime before. Shuldich always wore white shoes, even on labor day........are we really surprised that he's a Nazi?  
  
The scene now focuses on Farferello sitting in a circle with a big group of school children.  
  
We find Farferello at the closing of his story with a moral. "And that, children, is why God hates you.......because he doesn't exist......any questions?" Farferello was proud of himself. Any day he could warp the minds of innocent children was a good day. He almost enjoyed it as much as cleaning his blades with his tongue.  
  
After a few moments of children staring blankly at Farferello, one of the children raised his hand and asked, "Are you a pirate?"  
  
Farferello was furious. This was the.....well he couldn't really count how many times this was, because he had ended his scholastic career just a tad early due to.......personal issues. But he knew it was a really lot.  
  
"No, I'm not a pirate. Now were there any questions about the story, and hating God who isn't real?"  
  
Another kid raised his hand and said "Are you sure you're not a pirate? You have an eye patch and a sword."  
  
Fareferello exclaimed, "NO FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT A PIRATE. DON'T ASK AGAIN. NOW, ARE THERE ANY REAL QUESTIONS ABOUT THE GOD I DESPISE WHOSE EXISTENCE IS ABSENT!!?? AND THIS QUESTION BETTER NOT BE WHETHER OR NOT I AM A PIRATE!!!!"  
  
Then yet another child asked "Do you live on a pirate ship?"  
  
Farferello then belted out in a swash buckling voice, "ARRR YE LITTLE BARNICLES, I NOT BE A PIRATE, NOW QUIT YOUR FLIPCHAP, OR I'LL SKEWER YE!!!!!!!"  
  
Shuldich was grooming himself in the bathroom as usual. He ran his finger through his hair, pointed at himself in the mirror, and winked. "I'm just too smooth." He said to his reflection. He looked like a million dollars......that hadn't been paid back yet. He smoothly walked out to Farferello and coolly said, "No no Farfie, you got it all wrong, you gotta be cool when you handle these little accidents."  
  
Shuldich had no problem with being compared to a pirate. They were cool, and they got chicks, like him. Why should he care if one of the little bedpost notches wanted to think of him that way. "So kids, ya like pirates?" Then Shuldich gave a cheesy used car salesmen shit-eating grin. It was the kind of grin you got when someone wanted to sell you a wonder vacuum that was cheaper then the maintenance of a regular vacuum in the span of about 50 years.  
  
The kids became silent for a moment, and Shuldich began to relish in the Shul that was dich. "See Farfie, ya gotta be cool."  
  
Then one of the children pointed at Shuldich and exclaimed "LOOK EVERYONE, ITS CARROT TOP!!!!!"  
  
Suddenly Shuldich felt like a circumcised penis tip left on the side of the road by a jealous ex-wife. "That's it, I'm getting some weed. There's no way I'm getting through this day without a puff daddy fatty."  
  
Farfello just replied "Goddamn it.....oh, that's right. He already has."  
  
Nagi was in the back using his weird mine powers to mix a big tub of the illegal weed killer. They stole the tub........and I think you know why. Nagi couldn't help but think about Tot when he was reading the latest issue of "Air Heads for Smart Guys." He whispered to himself "Oh Tot, we could talk about so much........well maybe not, but damn you're a hottie."  
  
Just then Crawford called in from the back "Nagi, can you give me a hand back here. These illegally gotten gloves that I'm using are illegal cheap pieces of illegal shit, and this illegal weed killer is going to burn through my hand if you don't get back here and help."  
  
Nagi jus simply replied "No can do dude, its taking me like all my concentration and shit to stir this weed killer." Nagi then kissed a picture of the girl in his magazine.  
  
Shudich was on the skywalk above the big thing full of..........stuff. He kept his weed in a special area and watched Nagi as he was rolling a spliff. He smugly whispered to himself "ha ha time for me to discover the missing joint. Ha ha cause a joint is like a link. Damn I'm funny."  
  
Crawford walked out of the back wearing an apron that said "I like kittens"..... which he stole. He walked toward Nagi like he had a potato chip up his ass and was trying not to break it. He then scolded Nagi. "Damn it boy, don't dick around with your air head magazine, there's work that's gotta get done."  
  
Nagi looked irritated. "Dude, we're assassins. Why do you have to have such a potato chip up your ass about THIS work? Why do we have to worry about getting this stuff done?"  
  
Crawford gasped " WHAT!? THE WORK ALWAYS HAS TO GET DONE!!! Damn it Nagi, we can't just sit around reading girlie magazines when there's work to get done!!!"  
  
Nagi just rolled his eyes, "Whatever."  
  
Crawford was getting pissed. It was one thing to call him an anal retentive, dick-less, ass-licking, pansy-painting, animal-molesting, beef- jerky-eating loser with useless super powers, but to not get the work done!!!! That was quite another thing.  
  
Crawford was about to slap the shit out of that little turd, fancy mental powers or not, right at the time Shuldich was rolling himself a temporary Nirvana, when suddenly Farferello ran in shrieking and crying. "Damn them, they're all Christian!!! They're all singing Jesus loves the little children!!!! It feels good and holy!!!! Make it stop!!!! Make it stop!!!" He shrilled.  
  
Farferello then bumped into Crawford, who in turn bumped into Nagi, who in turn lost control of his mental hold over the tub, which caused a sprinkle to rush up causing Shuldich to burn his hand, who then dropped his weed into the tub.  
  
Crawford: OH MY WEED KILLER!!!  
  
Shuldich: OH MY WEED!!!  
  
Nagi: OH MY SMUT MAG!!!  
  
Farferello: OH MY GOD.........I hate you.  
  
What followed was much like a super hero origin in the 60s. It was a cornicopic concoction of calligraphied catastrophe. When the actual weed mixed with the weed killer, a highly addictive, highly intoxicating gas- type shit flowed out. Causing all the Schwartz members to go to McDonald land in there minds. (And yes they have McDonalds in Japan)  
  
Just then an ugly old saggy woman walked out of a very conspicuous Chevy Pinto. (How the hell should I know if they have Pintos in Japan or not) Her code name was Red Dog, like the beer. She ran over all the children and into the back (well actually she kind of hobbled because she was old.) By this time the Schwartz members had inhaled all of the smoke.  
  
She watched the Schwartz members as they tanked out like a.........tank sort of thing . But she didn't really care. She wasn't getting paid much to do this job. Just 500 yen an hour, and all she could eat at Crawfish Cafe.  
  
Crawford giggling to himself. "Hey toots, you wanna buy some Weed? Its killer. Ha ha, get it? Weed Killer?" All of Schwartz laughed to themselves.  
  
Red Dog simply replied, "I'm here with your next mission you, anal- retentive, dick-less, ass-licking, pansy-painting, animal-molesting, beef- jerky-eating loser with useless super powers."  
  
Nagi thought to himself, "I hope this isn't another lame ass mission like last time."  
  
::FlashBack::  
  
The Schwartz members are sitting upstairs in a well-lit room hearing their next mission through a telegraph from a man named "Iraq"  
  
Nagi was irritated. "Don't you think we're overdoing this 'being the opposite of WeiB' thing?"  
  
"How dare you imply that we're being unoriginal!" growled Crawford.  
  
Iraq then spoke to all the members of Schwartz. "Schwartz, there's an old lady at the corner of West and Taylor trying to cross the street. A boy scout is about to help her.....see that she does not receive his help. Hunters of the day, deny these light humans their yesterdays."  
  
Crawford then yelled out "Everyone, to the Schwartz-mobile!!"  
  
Shuldich then replied, "I call shotgun."  
  
Farferello then cocked a shotgun. "No, I call shot gun."  
  
Shuldich, weirded out more then usual, "Alright, fine, YOU can have the front seat."  
  
Faferello, baffled, and clutching his shot gun, "Seat?"  
  
The Schwartz members then rolled out to the scene were the young boy was about to help the old Lady.  
  
"God bless you young man for helping me"  
  
Upon hearing this Farferello went BANANAS. "WHAT.......GOD.....BLESS...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He ran after them like a ravenous dog chasing after the man who just neutered him. Unfortunately, Farferello's stupid-ass leg strap pants thing caused him to trip and fall face first onto the ground. He cried out in panic. "NOOOOOO SHE IS GOING TO SUCCEED IN CROSSING THE STREET!!!!"  
  
Crawford was panicked as well "Damn it! I should have predicted this would happen. Nagi, use your mental powers."  
  
Nagi smiled darkly, "Sayonara you old bitch." Unfortunately for Nagi, he kicked up a little too much dust, and it stung his eyes causing the big street chunk he was about to drop on the old lady and boy scout to fall on Shuldich instead.  
  
Shuldich yelled, "Oww damn it my head." And fell unconscious.  
  
Crawford then sprung into action. "I know, I'll use my girlie punches that have no effect and predict that they will cross the street safely."  
  
The conscious members of Schwartz slapped their foreheads--even Shuldich who was unconscious--as the lady and boy safely crossed the street.  
  
::End Flash Back::  
  
Nagi wondered to himself what new stupid pointless thing they would have to end up doing now.  
  
Iraq gave Schwartz their new assignment. "Schwartz, there's a baby eating some candy..... You know what to do. Hunters of the day, deny these light humans their yesterday."  
  
All the Schwartz members laughed to themselves. "light humans, in Japan AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how can we kill them yesterday if they're still alive today. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."  
  
Red Dog just shrugged. "I'm going to get some Crawfish."  
  
On that note Schwartz ran to the Schwartz-mobile. The fumes actually did something miraculous in that the members of Schwartz actually succeeded in accomplishing a mission.  
  
Farferello snatched the candy from the baby's hand and the baby began to cry. Faferello cackled, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! This will surely hurt God, and I have a mad case of the munchies as well. AHAHAHAHAH::Lighting crashes in the backround::AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!" Farfello was contentedly licking the lolli he stole, while the other Schwartz members went around to do more no-good.  
  
Crawford gets out exact change and purchases a drink from the vending machine. "Boy it would certainly be a shame if someone didn't RECYCLE THIS CAN."  
  
Crawford mercilessly crushes the can and lets it drop to the ground.  
  
Shuldich smiled "No walking on the grass huh?" And Shuldich, like some sort of savage animal, actually walked on the grass despite the fact that the sign said DON'T WALK ON THE GRASS!!!  
  
The evil continued as Nagi found a pair of scissors and tried to be cool like an American. "Look I'm running with scissors, and your not supposed to run with scissors! But I'm running with scissors anyway! "  
  
Then they all went to a restaurant arm in arm, to discuss the various ways they could cause more trouble.  
  
Nagi ordered first. "I'll have sake and rice"  
  
Followed by Shuldich, "Heineken, and some sauerkraut and bratwurst."  
  
Then Farferello. "I'll have some potatoes, and some Killian's Irish Red."  
  
"And how would you like your potatoes done, Sir?"  
  
"I just want....potatoes."  
  
"I see...........and you Sir?"  
  
Oddly enough Crawford replied "Pasta."  
  
Everyone looked at Crawford as if he suddenly said he wanted to be a 'Super friend.'  
  
Crawford stuttered "Uh.......with......AMERICAN CHEESE........and a BUDWEISER"  
  
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and laughed. After they indulged their major case of the munchies...  
  
Crawford said, "I know, we'll be bad and not leave a tip. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Nagi uttered, "But there's no tipping in Japan."  
  
Then Crawford responded "Then we'll......LEAVE A TIP. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
All the members of Schwartz laughed evilly and left a great big tip.  
  
They then skipped along to the nearest photo both to get their pictures taken.  
  
Schuldich exuded, "We're best friends forever."  
  
Everyone else replied "Yeah, Best friends for ever!"  
  
Farferello then yelled, "Everyone say cheese"  
  
Everyone responded "Cheese!!!" And the Schwartz gang was immortalized on Kiwi-printed photo stickers.  
  
They then got back into their car and were driving along.  
  
Shuldich suggested, "Hey lets pick up some chicks."  
  
Nagi pointed. "Hey, that looks like a good place."  
  
Crawford asked, "What's it called?"  
  
Farferello read, "The CUMQUAT."  
  
(Well, we find our favorite antagonists at the doorstep of disaster. Armed with only a shotgun, ineffective super powers, and a weed-induced disposition, what sort of dastardly deeds can Schwartz accomplish? And what role does Schrient have to play, now that Masufumi is gone and they're four bitter, nagging, spiteful bitches. And what is WeiB's objective in the Cumquat? Stay tuned for Chapter 3 A good man is hard to drag.) 


	3. A Good Man Is Hard To Drag

(This chapter is dedicated to the brothers who played but never got paid. Hello everyone, and welcome to chapter 3 "A good man is hard to drag." Now I know many of you don't like Shrient, if for no other reason then their very presence implies that the Weiß Kreuz characters might actually be...::Gasp::.... straight. Which of course, is highly problematic when many of you are.........how should I put this..........trying to get off by reading about two guys getting jiggy with it. Rest assured that I will do my best to portray Shrient in the most humorous light possible. Thereby, not forcing any of you to take them too seriously. And I know what else the thousands upon thousands of my fans are asking themselves, "Gee Don, are we going to see anymore of that amazing Red Dog, the most developed character in the fic?" Fear not loyal fans, Red Dog will return armed with her usual witty quips, such as "I'm going to get some Crawfish." All in all, I promise this chapter won't leave a diet after-taste in your mouth.)  
  
It was just another normal day at the cosmetics shop. The artificial lights were glaring, the recorded bird sounds from the rainforest themed cafe next store were singing, and the cross dressing middle aged men were harassing the Schrient (Please don't stone me if I spelled that wrong) girls about hair removal cream, all the while visualizing themselves to be as beautiful as the Schrient girls.  
  
Everything was in its redundantly typical place.........unfortunately for Schrient, redundantly typical was ridiculously weird.  
  
The Schrient girls changed clothes often, but due to financial difficulties as a result of the death of Masafumi (Or however death works in Weiß Kreuz), the Schrient girls were forced to wear their battle clothes all the time.  
  
Hell was in her usual dominatrix themed lab coat and glasses. I guess when you have a name like Hell a t-shirt and a pair of jeans just doesn't cut it. And as usual she was armed with her little...knife.......helicopter thingies.  
  
Then there was Schion. Schion was in that stupid twisty outfit that made her look like Princess Lolli from candy land. The fact that her whip looked like it was made of licorice didn't really help either.  
  
Tot was in a bunny costume. I guess Tot felt the need to wear a respectable outfit that reflected she was a modern intelligent woman.......AHAHAHAHAHAHA.....ok I'll stop. If it weren't for the incredible amount of hair glue in Tot's hair, her head would surely float away. Tot was also carrying her umbrella with the knife in it. I actually have an umbrella by a company called Totes, isn't that cool how Weiß parallels my life.  
  
Asuka.......uh....I mean.....Neu had her usual visor that made her look like a moped power ranger. Neu was armed with fist and feet to show that the writers couldn't think of any new weapons past Hell. She wore blue lipstick to reflect that she was always feeling........blue.  
  
The scene now shifts to Schion helping a particularly fat middle aged man named Ralph into a pink dress with hearts that say "its all me" on the butt of it.  
  
Ralph was unsure of the way he looked and asked Schion "Do you think this dress makes me look fat?"  
  
Schion was irritated and replied "For the last time Ralph, its not the dress that makes you look fat.......it's the fat that makes you look fat."  
  
"But what if I tuck it in like......" but before Ralph could finish--  
  
"No Ralph, you still look like a sea cow."  
  
Then Ralph began to cry and started to run out of the store. "You're so insensitive!!!"  
  
Schion pulled out her whip and threw it at his leg causing him to fall. "Nice try Ralph, but you're still going to have to pay for that dress."  
  
Ralph snapped his fingers. "Damn."  
  
Then another unattractive man walked up to Hell and asked. "I love what you did with your hair and your make-up. How can I get myself to look like you?"  
  
Hell just simply replied, "Try being reincarnated as something that doesn't walk on hoofs."  
  
The unattractive man pulled out a flipbook and wrote "No Hoofs." Then he looked up and smiled "Alright, thanks for the advice."  
  
Neu was helping a very thin, tall man with really straggly blonde hair try on a particularly skanky dress. Neu thought to herself "This feels so familiar." She then had a flash of someone with straggly blond hair winking at his reflection in the mirror while wearing a dress that was almost identical. He then burned himself on the crotch with his cigarette.  
  
Tot was the only Schrient member who seemed to enjoy herself. She had always wished that she could dress the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man in pretty girl clothes, and now she finally had the chance. Tot bounced up and down while helping a customer.  
  
"Oh Oh you look so pretty!!!"  
  
The man simply replied "Uh....actually.....the rhinestones of this dress are kind of stabbing me.....I mean they're actually starting to draw blood......and......."  
  
Tot took out her umbrella, grabbed the man, and pointed the umbrella to his neck, while almost grinding her teeth "I SAID you look so PRETTY!!!"  
  
Fearing for his life "I'll take it."  
  
Tot was happy. "Wow, you really like it?"  
  
Schion walked up to Hell to bitch and whine as usual.  
  
"Goddman them!! They killed Masafumi....and now.....now WE have to do all the work!!"  
  
Hell understood her pain and felt like bitching back "Yeah things were a lot easier when we had Masafumi around."  
  
Schion still clenching her fist, "Yeah, I remember, and he REALLY liked running this shop too. And it was great, because then I didn't have to do it."  
  
Neu darkly added "We had things a lot easier at home too."  
  
Flash back:  
  
Hell: Masafumi get your ass in that kitchen and make me a sandwich NOW bitch!!  
  
Masafumi: Yes Hell, right away Hell. ::Masafumi runs like the dickens::  
  
Schion: Hey Masafumi, this hair isn't going to put ITSELF up in a cone shaped beehive, you know.  
  
Masafumi: I understand Schion, right away Schion.  
  
Neu: ::Is one foot away from a garbage can and drops a can she has just finished drinking onto the floor:: Masafumi, put that can in the trash.  
  
Masafumi: ::While doing all the BITCH work he thinks to himself:: Ha ha, they used to laugh at me in school for not having any chicks. HA HA NOW WHO HAS ALL THE CHICKS.  
  
Schion: ::Whips Masafumi:: You call this kitchen floor clean?  
  
Masafumi: Oww, no of course not Schion.  
  
Hell: Masafumi! entertain Tot while we.......discuss.........things.  
  
Masafumi: OOOh, why can't I ever come to one of the......discussions.  
  
Schion: ::Whips Masafumi again:: Because we SAID SO BITCH.  
  
Masafumi: ::Slowly and sadly walks over to Tot.:: Hello Tot. Can we play anything except your favorite game?  
  
Tot: Hmmm ::Wonders to herself for a minute:: Lets play.....MY FAVORITE GAME.  
  
Masafumi: NO NOT.....  
  
Tot: ::Smiles happily:: YES!!! LETS PLAY USE DADDY'S HEAD AS A DRUM!! ::Tot beats the hell (I mean the place of eternal damnation, not the Schrient character) out of Masafumi singing, "TOT IS SO GREAT TOT IS SO GREAT!!!"::  
  
Meanwhile the Schrient girls have a...."Private meeting"  
  
::End Flash Back::  
  
They all sighed in remembrance. Hell then said "Now that Masafumi isn't here, Tot is starting to get suspicious when we......" Suddenly she notices Tot coming up to listen. "When you guys what?" Tot asked with an empty headed look on her face.  
  
Hell stammered, "Uh.....we'll tell you when.....you're not a.......dumbass anymore."  
  
Tot furrowed her brow as if she really understood something deep and nodded. "Oh ok. HEY LOOK, I MADE MY HAIR REALLY HARD." To demonstrate this point Tot took one of the display bottles of perfume and broke it over her hair.  
  
Hell just replied, "Uh....thats nice Tot.....why don't you go look at that shiny object over there."  
  
Tot was full of joy, "oooOOOoooo SHINY OBJECT!!!" Tot scampered off after the shiny object.  
  
Neu, still being dark, because that's what she does, replied, "You realize that one day she'll be a prize in a UFO catcher, right?"  
  
All the members of Schrient nod in agreement. Then Schion complained, "God I hate working this stupid cover job. We don't even get to keep the money we make from it. It sure would help in paying for the bare necessities"  
  
Hell then added, "Not to mention all the hair glue and cosmetics we use."  
  
Schion still frustrated at their circumstances. "LIKE I SAID, the BARE NECESSITIES."  
  
Hell just rolled her eyes, "Uh........yeah....Anyway, that's why we have to stay sharp in our free lance assassin job."  
  
Schion just bitched as usual "God I hate how we have to work for that crappy organization Shittiker."  
  
Neu resented the work too, "If only there were some way we could eliminate all of these ugly men from coming to bother us. Then we could just sit and relax."  
  
Schion asked, "How the hell are all these ugly guys finding out about this place anyway?"  
  
"They keep putting out flyers at that cross dresser's bar called The CUMQUAT."  
  
The response came from the mysterious agent of....HEY WAIT A MINUTE.....THATS RED DOG, The lovable, old, fat, ugly, hobbling, crawfish- eating old lady we remember from Schwartz-- Is she a double agent? What roll will she play in all this Wackdom!!???  
  
Red Dog walked up to the girls and said "But now is not the time to worry about that. Charlie has sent you a new mission."  
  
Tot walked up to everyone and pouted, "I couldn't find the shiny object"  
  
Hell:..........  
  
Schion...........  
  
Neu:..............  
  
Red Dog:..............I'm going to get some crawfish  
  
The scene now shifts to Tot's room. The pretty, pink, plastic, panda décor was so bright it would have made a blind man flinch. Everyone is wearing 3- D glasses while watching the screen.  
  
Schion: Why do we have to wear these stupid glasses!?  
  
Charlie: It makes everything look cool. Anyway, Angels, I have a new mission for you.  
  
Neu: Goddamn it we're Schrient, we're not Angels.  
  
Charlie: Oh right. Anyway I want you to........  
  
Hell: Shove your damn mission up your ass. We're tired of working this stupid cover job!!!  
  
Charlie: Uh......well....You guys have to have a ........  
  
Hell: We're going to the Cumquat to silence those assholes that keep giving us a hard time.  
  
Tot: ::Clutches her Panda:: I LOVE PANDA!!!!!  
  
Charlie: Hey....come on you're supposed to........  
  
Hell: Shut up, were going to the Cumquat and that's final.  
  
All of Schrient walks away, including Tot who clutches onto her Panda singing, "Panda go Panda go Panda"  
  
Charlie: Can you guys bring me back some chips?  
  
Neu: Sure  
  
Charlie: Hunters of the Aqua turquoise greenish sort of a blue..........Deny these ugly men their right to look pretty.......and pick up some chips on the way back.  
  
(Schrient then sets off to do some damage to the Cumquat, and to pick up some chips on the way back. With Weiß on a mission, Schwartz high, and Schrient majorly pissed about having to do house work, what sort of crazy shenanigans are these three going to pull? And what role will the mysterious Red Dog play in all this calamity? Stay tuned. Same Weiß time. Same Weiß channel........or whenever I write the next chapter.)  
  
::Commercial Break::  
  
Hell: Tot, do you know where my SUPER ULTRA DELICIOUS KELLOG'S ALLRIGHTS RESERVED MULTIGRAINED WAFFLES are?  
  
Tot: ::In the other room holding Hell's waffle:: Uh......no.... I don't know where your SUPER ULTRA DELICIOUS KELLOG'S MULTIGRAIN WAFFLES are?  
  
Hell: You mean you don't know where my SUPER ULTRA DELICIOUS KELLOG'S MULTIGRAIN WAFFLES, that are part of this balanced breakfast, and are the most delicious way to start your day, are?  
  
Tot: Why no I have absolutely no clue where your SUPER ULTRA DELICIOUS KELLOG'S MULTIGRAIN WAFFLES that come in 5 delicious flavors like strawberry, apple, peach, grape, and kumquat, and can easily be heated in the toaster or microwave, are. ::Starts to eat the waffle::  
  
Hell: ::Walks into the room where Tot is:: TOT!!!  
  
Tot: ::Quickly shoves the waffle in her mouth and smiles with a an adorable stuffed face and says in a muffled voice:: I wdidn't wdoo wit.  
  
Hell: ::gives a particularly corny smirk: Oh Tot  
  
Tot: ::Smiles::  
  
(SUPER ULTRA DELICIOUS KELLOG'S MULTIGRAIN WAFFLES. They taste like shit, but Schrient endorses them. Won't you like them just for that reason alone?) 


	4. Transferring Transvestite Transmission

(This chapter is dedicated to the voice actors of Weiß, whose Weiß Kreuz cosplay book has provided me with minutes of entertainment, followed by a deep depression, and a need for psychological counseling. Well, looks like its time for chapter 4 TRANSFERRING TRANSVESTITE TRANSMISSION. Now lately I've been thinking "uh................um.................hmmmm?" Which of course led me to contemplate "..........................uh..............." And then meditating on that led me to realize, "Hey, I should write about Weiß!!!!" Now I now what all of you are thinking, "Don, why would you write about Weiß in a Weiß Kreuz fanfiction? Isn't that going to take time away from the character we really want to see, The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog?" Well fear not loyal fanfic viewers, as painful as yet another chapter with Weiß may be, I promise to include the MYSTERIOUS Red Dog. But as to whether or not she is good or bad? Friend or Foe? Man or Woman? Human or Hamster? I can not say. All in all I promise that this chapter will be chocked full of.............stuff. Hey, it's not like you have anything better to do. Warnings: Its going to get pretty watered down, you might want to wear a pair of swimmies or something.)  
  
The Weiß guys were assembled in their pretty.......ugly outfits, and were ready for combat. Yoji thought it would be cool to cosplay as women from other animes, so he ordered four female costumes that he thought reflected the Weiß guys personalities.......well not really.  
  
Aya was wearing a reproduction of Kenshin's outfit, that he was. At least he didn't have to hide his sword. The painted scar on his cheek reflected the pain that Yoji was in a.........different cheek.  
  
Ken dressed as Heero from Gundam Wing. The skin-hugging spandex shorts gave him a perpetual wedgie, as well as created a bulge that would have made David Bowie from Labyrinth jealous. [Those of you who have read my girlfriend's fanfic "Why Ken shouldn't drink Chu-Hi" will be happy to see that Ken is a Gundam.]  
  
Omi dressed as Miaka from Fushigi Yugi. Yep, Yoji had to go all out and get a Japanese high school uniform for Omi's cosplay. We know how rare those are in an anime. I mean its not like every single Goddamn anime doesn't have to have the boring, depthless, ditzy, food-eating, panty-showing, bimbo heroine in a schoolgirl outfit who serves no purpose other then to take time away from the more interesting characters. Even when she's transported back to ancient times she keeps on that same stupid ass, unpractical, blatantly noticeable, boring, and redundant school uniform. Because after all, why the hell would you dress in something different to blend in if you were transported back to ancient times. I mean for Christ.......... ::Catches his breathe:: Alright........::Breathes::.......I'm ok now................onto Yoji.  
  
Yoji decided to go as that blonde haired chick with the lab coat from Evangelion. I haven't really watched all of Evangelion, so I don't really remember her name.......I think it was..........Shinji or something like that.  
  
Together they were............. WHITE CROSS DRESSERS!!!!  
  
Aya: Goddamn it Yoji, Kenshin and Heero aren't girls!!  
  
Yoji: How the hell could I tell they weren't girls!?  
  
Aya: .............That's a good point.  
  
Omi:. ::Trying desperately to get every inch out of his incredibly short skirt, but to no avail.:: God it doesn't get any worse then this  
  
::And suddenly 7 of Omi's female classmates ride by for the sole purpose of pointing and laughing at him::  
  
Omi:.......................I miss dignity already.  
  
Ken: Guys, these pants are cutting off my circulation, I'm really having a hard time feeling my ........  
  
Aya: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah save your bitching for after the mission. These costumes really suck, but we gotta do what we gotta do. To the Weiß car!! ::Aya trips on the straw sandals:: Shit with this, I'm getting my boots.  
  
::Moments after Aya puts on his boots:: Goddamn stupid ass costumes, with stupid ass sandals!!!  
  
Ken: Please can I change my.....  
  
Aya: Bitch bitch bitch, you don't hear me bitching do you?  
  
Ken: Well actually........  
  
Aya: Now lets roll out.  
  
Everyone started to walk towards the car except for Yoji, who puffed his cigarette like he was making a smoke signal in the form of S.O.S. Omi noticed that Yoji wasn't moving and asked "Yoji, what's wrong?"  
  
Yoji nervously replied "Well......uh.......I kinda........ 'dinged' the car last night."  
  
Aya was even more irritated. It was bad enough that now everyone was going to think he was some cross dressing fruit cake with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Now Yoji did something to the car.  
  
"What do you mean 'DINGED'!?"  
  
Yoji sorta laughed, "He he...well, you know 'dinged' can be interpreted pretty broadly."  
  
Aya gritted his teeth. "Well how broadly do you interpret 'dinged'!?"  
  
Yoji replied, "Uh.....I mean 'dinged' as in....I crashed the car into a fire hydrant about three blocks up, and didn't bother to call a tow truck because I forgot my cell phone .....kinda.....'dinged'."  
  
"WHAT!? HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT???!!!!" Aya screamed.  
  
Yoji: "Well you see I had this really hot date and......"  
  
::Flashback::  
  
Yoji was Kreuzing down the highway, with a not-so-hot date in his car, on his way to pick up dinner at Don's Crabs. Yoji was laughing and talking away thinking he was the cat's meow, but looking like he was the cat's litter box. All the while his date tried not to listen and instead focused on a more interesting task, like waxing her mustache.  
  
Yoji: Hey baby, in this light, I couldn't help but notice just how beautiful....I AM. haha haha...It was just a joke........no really.....it was.  
  
The Yojmiester's date: ::Applies even more wax to her mustache trying to block out Yoji's.......charm:: Yeah whatever.  
  
Yoji: ::Thinks to himself. "Hmmmmm I gotta do something to look cool. I know.":: Hey baby, wanna see me do a Bat turn?  
  
The Yojirino's date: Yeah whatever.  
  
Yoji does a bat turn on a narrow one-way road with only a fire hydrant to turn into.  
  
Yoji: AHHHHHH ::Crashes and looks at his broken imitation Ray Band Sun glasses.:: Damn, well that'll teach me to drive in the dark with sunglasses on. ::Puts on his back-up pair of imitation Ray Band Sunglasses.::  
  
The Yojman's date: ...................  
  
Yoji: So uh......you wanna do it?  
  
The Yojer's date: ::Still waxing her mustache:: Yeah whatever.  
  
::End Flash Back::  
  
At the close of the flash back Yoji laughs smugly, "heh heh, I totally scored."  
  
Aya replied, "...............................So why didn't you call a Tow Truck to pick up the car?"  
  
Yoji seemed baffled "Car? I thought I was talking about me scoring. Which I totally did. Heh heh"  
  
Aya: ::Looked at Yoji with the evil yellow eyes of Batousai The Man Slayer......only they were purple.:: That car better be drivable, or I'm turning you into dog treats, and putting you in Momoe's food dish.  
  
::The Weiß guys walked to where the car was, except for Ken who sort of hobbled::  
  
Aya looked at the car in horror, to see it almost cut clean in half and blackened from the fire. If it weren't for the hydrant spraying water the car would have surely exploded.  
  
Yoji: Now come on, do you really think this warrants calling a tow truck?  
  
Ken: ::Walked over to the car:: Oh My God! Yoji how could you have been so stupid? ::Picks up one of the wax sheets that the Yoji Bear's date used for her mustache:: Don't you know that this sort of thing can stain the interior!?  
  
Aya: Look to your left Ken.  
  
Ken: ::Looks over:: Oh.........yes.................well that's worse isn't it?  
  
Aya: DAMN IT YOJI!!!!. This is even worst then the other times you screwed up.  
  
::Flash back::  
  
Aya: Ah, now that I am finished working for the day, I can sit down and relax with a hot cup of Joe. Yes sir, nothing is going to mess.......this.......what the hell? ::Pulls out a peanut butter sandwich from the coffee machine:: Who the hell put a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the damn coffee machine!?  
  
Yoji: Hey Aya you ruined it. People have had chocolate flavored coffee, vanilla coffee, even FRENCH vanilla coffee, but no one's had peanut butter and jelly flavored coffee before!!  
  
Aya: DAMN IT YOJI!!!!  
  
::Flash back PART 2 the bad sequel!!::  
  
An older man runs into the shop after Yoji. Omi and Ken hold him back.  
  
Older man: YOU BASTURD!!! YOU SLEPT WITH MY 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!!!!  
  
Aya: Yoji, you really slept with a 17 year old!?  
  
Yoji: She told me she was 25.  
  
Aya: DAMN IT YOJI!!!!  
  
::Flash back part three. The trilogy concludes::  
  
Ken: Did you guys hear that?  
  
::Three of the four members of Weiß run up to where the disturbance is to find ACTION Panda in the middle of the room::  
  
Omi: Oh My God, a Panda!!  
  
ACTION Panda: Rwooooooooooooooooooar ::Munch Munch::  
  
Aya: Where the hell did that Panda come from!?  
  
Yoji: Hey guys, how do you like my new pet? I thought it would be cool to adopt a Panda. Chicks dig Pandas.  
  
Ken: He's eating all the lucky Bamboo!!  
  
Aya: DAMN IT YOJI!!!!  
  
::End Flash Back::  
  
Aya: And now you've turned the car into a piece of Post Modern Art!!! What the hell are we going to do now!?  
  
Yoji: ::Laughs:: Hey, come on, Aya, baby, no worries. We can just take the flower cart.  
  
Aya: GODDAMNIT THERES NO WAY IN HELL I'M TAKING THAT DAMN FLOWER CART ON A MISSION!! ESPECIALLY DRESSED LIKE THIS!!!!!!  
  
The scene now shifts to the Weiß guys (And I use the term "guys" loosely at this point) taking the flower cart onto the next mission...... especially dressed like that. Yoji was applying mascara to hide the black eye he received from Aya's........tip on how to be a safe driver.  
  
Ken: Hey Aya are we there yet?  
  
Aya: No  
  
Ken: Aya....  
  
Aya: Goddamnit Ken we aren't there yet, now shut up!  
  
Yoji: Aya, do you think I would look more like a girl if I had a perm?  
  
Aya:.................  
  
Ken: Hey Aya, can we stop for some milk shakes?  
  
Aya: No, not until after the mission.  
  
Omi: Aya, did you order those sunflower seeds? We have to have them by next Suiyoobi (Ha ha, I can stick in random Japanese words for absolutely no reason too.)  
  
Aya: I can't remember. I've been busy lately.  
  
Yoji: Seriously Aya, give me your opinion on this.  
  
Aya: Leave me alone Yoji.  
  
Yoji: Do you mind if I put on some music?  
  
Aya: Whatever.  
  
Yoji: Great!! I got this great new CD by that really cool French Rapper "Biggie Petit." ::Yoji puts in the CD and suddenly the radio is alive with..::  
  
Biggie Petit: SUCRE BLEUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Back up Singers: NANA NANA NANA NANA  
  
Biggie Petit: SUCRE BLEUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Back up Singers: NANA NANA NANA NANA  
  
Aya: TURN THAT SHIT OFF NOW!!!!  
  
Yoji: ::Turns it off:: Jeeze what a grump. And you still haven't answered my question about the perm.  
  
Aya: Stop asking me about that.  
  
Ken: Why can't we stop for some shakes?  
  
Aya: We don't have time  
  
Omi: Aya, we have to have those sunflower seeds. Can you please try to remember?  
  
Yoji: Christ Aya its just a simple question, would I look more like a girl if I had a perm?  
  
Ken: I don't see why we can't stop for some shakes.  
  
Omi: Sunflower Seeds  
  
Ken: Shakes  
  
Yoji: Perm  
  
Omi: Sunflower Seeds  
  
Ken: Shakes  
  
Yoji: Perm  
  
Ken: Shakes  
  
Omi: Sunflower seeds  
  
Yoji: Perm  
  
Aya: SHUT THE HELL UP ALL OF YOU OR IM RIDING THIS DAMN FLOWER CART OVER THE BRIDGE!!  
  
::Everyone is quite for about 10 seconds until::  
  
Ken: Come on Aya, let's stop for some shakes.  
  
Yoji: Yeah lets stop for some shakes......and chicks.  
  
Omi: Yeah I would actually like a milkshake too.  
  
Aya: There's no way in hell I'm stopping for milkshakes. Now Shut the hell up!!  
  
::Minutes later the Weiß guys pull into the parking lot of the Crawfish cafe to get some milkshakes.........hmmm Crawfish Cafe........I wonder who their going to meet up with.......yeah....its really going to be a big surprise.::  
  
::The Weiß guys walk out of the shop each carrying a milkshake::  
  
Ken: Mmmmm Crawfish flavored.  
  
Yoji: ::Looks to Aya:: Now see that wasn't so bad now was it?  
  
Aya: Fuck off!!  
  
Omi: Ow ow ow ice cream headache  
  
Ken: Did you guys just hear something MYSTERIOUS!?  
  
::All the Weiß guys turn to see the MYSTERIOUS Red Dog doing what she does best, eating Crawfish::  
  
The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog: There will be many dangers that lie ahead for you at the Cumquat.  
  
Yoji: Ha ha. She said "ahead."  
  
Aya: How do you know? What danger?  
  
The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog: Your opposites, two of a kind, eight who wish to see you fall. If you don't watch yourselves, it will be death to you all.  
  
Aya: Stop speaking in riddles woman! Who are you, and why are you telling us this!? I want to know just what........  
  
Omi: Oww damn, this ice cream headache won't go away.  
  
Aya: ::Turns to look back at Omi, then quickly back to The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog only to find a MYSTERIOUS puff of smoke. Then all the Weiß guys hear a MYSTERIOUS echoic voice::  
  
The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog's MYSTERIOUS Echoic voice: Remember to believe in the Weiß. If you have faith in the Weiß you will triumph. Now I'm going to get more Crawfish.  
  
Ken: Where could she have gone?  
  
Aya: God only knows.  
  
::The MYSTERIOUS Red Dog is waiting in line in the Crawfish cafe, 10 feet away from them.::  
  
Aya: Well there's no way we can find her now. Let's just get on with the mission. Be extra careful. Manx mentioned something about the possibility of Schwartz and Shrient being there.  
  
Ken: ::As everyone is walking to the car:: Hey mine came with free toy!  
  
Aya: :: Thinks to himself:: Why didn't mine come with a free toy?  
  
After a few traumatic ice cream headaches and the destruction of Yoji's Biggie Petit CD, the Weiß guys find themselves at the doorstep of the fruit- filled Cumquat. All of them stare up at the Neon smiley faced Kumquat winking, and then showing it's butt. Their toughest assignment, their biggest mission, their deadliest foes. They've all stared death in the face before, but now they were staring at death waving at them and holding a sign that said "Weiß party of 3.5." Their only hope is to keep their wits about them, and work together...  
  
Ken: Are we there yet?  
  
Aya: THAT'S IT ::goes after Ken, while Omi and Yoji hold him back:: YOU BASTARD!! I'LL GET YOU!! LET ME GO!! LET ME GO!!  
  
....and that hope is dwindling. Can Weiß overcome the odds, or will the odds come over them. Stayed tuned for the next eye-closing chapter. "Out of Cashews, but full of Nuts."  
  
::Commercial Break::  
  
Ken: You've all heard about the delicious taste of Kellogg's Super Ultra Delicious All Rights Reserved Multigrain Waffles, but will they be enough to get YOJI out of bed? Let's find out.  
  
Ken: ::walks to Yoji's room.:: Hey Yoji, why don't you get up for breakfast? ::Winks to the people at home.::  
  
Yoji: Why don't you go Fuck yourself.  
  
Ken: Oh alright, fine. I guess I'll just have to enjoy this Kellogg's Super Ultra Delicious All Right Reserved Multigrain Waffle all by myself.  
  
Yoji: ::And like a horny fan boy after a life-sized Laura Croft cut out, Yoji gets up and snatches the waffle:: OH OH GOD WAFFLE ::Munch Munch:: OH YOU'RE SO GOOD MMMMMM!!!!!  
  
Ken: Hey, Yoji come on, sit the table and eat like a...  
  
Yoji: ::Starts falling all over the store while eating the waffle:: OH MY GOD ::Munch Munch:: OH ...MY...GOOOOOOOD!!!!!  
  
Ken: No, not the ferns!!  
  
Yoji: ::Crashes around some more as he eats the waffle::  
  
Ken: Dear God, The Pansies!!  
  
Yoji: ::And crashes around some more::  
  
Ken: Great Googly Moogly, the Pussy Willows!!  
  
Yoji: OOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOH ::Yoji finishes eating the waffle and then pulls out a cigarette::  
  
Ken: So what did you think?  
  
Yoji: ::Lays back in contentment puffing a cig:: That was a damn good waffle.  
  
((Kellogg's Super Ultra Delicious All Right Reserved Multigrain Waffles. They taste like shit, but Yoji can always fake it, shouldn't you?)) 


End file.
